2010: Year in Review

This is my 3rd year filling this out (see: 2008 and 2009 here if you want) and every year I love taking the hour or so it takes me to write it to just think back to what’s transpired in the past year, and my expectations and hopes for the future year.  To give credit where credit is due, I originally found it on this blog.

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?
Traveled to California.  Twice.   Made sushi.  Got air on the wakeboard.  Hosted Christmas.   Took engagement photos.  Twice.   Took a yoga class.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn’t post my resolutions anywhere public, but I had jotted these down at the end of last year and stuck them in my journal.  I came across them a few weeks ago.  Here’s how I did:

- Try yoga: I took a beginner’s class with Anne and Crystal in January.  I liked it, but never did anything after our 5 classes were up.

- Shoot more people:  I do believe I meant photograph more people… and if so, I did this.  I shot Katie and Dylan’s engagement photos, and Jess and Charlie’s.  Jamie and I also spent an afternoon doing headshots of each other.  I loved every moment of these shoots, and I definitely want to do more in 2011.

- Try 12 different wines:  I am 100% certain I achieved this goal.

- Make my blog look the way I wanted it to:  Well, I didn’t do it but Heather, and then Loren, both made my blog look like I wanted it to.  And Loren has made me a logo, so next up is a Facebook page. 

- Exert the willpower to be kind: I honestly did try to keep my mouth shut whenever I felt like I was going to gossip or judge.  I can’t say that I always did this, but I know I was more conscious of it than I had been in the past. 

- Read the books I have: I only bought two new books this year, and I made a good effort to read the ones I had borrowed or bought before.  I didn’t read all of them, and I returned a few that I knew I probably wasn’t going to. 

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes!  This was quite the year of babies.  Let’s see… I’ll apologize in advance if I’ve gotten birth months wrong.  My grad school friend Ellen welcomed twins Haley and Spencer in January. Jamie’s Aunt Gig and Uncle Jon, who Matt and I want to adopt as our own family members after visiting in Utah and Toronto, brought Georgia into the world at the end of January.  My cousin Danielle had her fourth(!!), a little girl named Riley in February.  Another Baltimore friend, Katie, had her sweet Madelyn in February as well.  My bloggy friend Kathryn introduced us to precious Quinn in September, and I love getting to see his days captured in her amazing photography.  Another blog/Twitter friend Lindsay had her sweet Claire in March, and I love seeing her grow each month via good ol’ Twitpic.  Our residency friends Tim and Crystal had their little boy in November, and that was especially fun because she’s the first friend I’ve ever lived in the same place with during a pregnancy.  And lastly, our next door neighbors Clay and Mindy welcomed their Christmas gift, Mason James, into their lives just 10 days ago.  8 babies? That’s a lot of diapers being changed in 2010.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
One of my research participants passed away, quite unexpectedly, in late summer. 

5. What countries did you visit?
My passport sat in the safe deposit box for the entirety of 2010.  Now that’s just sad.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
More appreciation for the present moment.  Starbucks gift cards.  More locally grown food. 

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Feb 14th – my baby sis called to tell me she was engaged

Sept 13th – first day of my new job

Sept 18th – ran my 3rd half marathon

Oct 30th – my Jessie K got married

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Tripling the number of coaching clients I had in 2009.  Finished writing my book.  (Don’t ask me what the next step is.  Unless you know what the next step is, then tell me.)  Interviewing and getting a new job.  Was I supposed to choose one?

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not being more in the moment / wishing time would hurry up.  

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I did not.  2010 was healthy – my colitis was in remission and I made it through half marathon training with just a few aches and pain.  Very thankful for this.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
an iPad for my hubby, a bunch of delicious wine in Sonoma County and lift tickets in Park City

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My hard-working husband.  I am hoping that in our 4th year of marriage his “never complain” policy will finally rub off on me.  He was also super supportive when I was going through a rough patch earlier this year, he’s not afraid to use a vacuum and he never erases The Office or The Soup off the DVR before I’ve watched it.  How could you not celebrate that?

Also, those Chilean miners were pretty awesome too this year, eh?

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Dooce taught us all an important lesson on “topics of which we shall not blog.”  Moving on.

14. Where did most of your money go?
According to Mint.com, Harris Teeter and Wells Fargo Mortgage. 

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Jess’ wedding.  Travels to California and Utah.  Hosting our Christmas party for the 3rd time.  Running on the Lowe’s Motor Speedway for my half.  (Which turned out to be not nearly as exciting as one would hope.)

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?   Free by Zac Brown Band.  Anything by the Glee cast (sorry co-workers.)  Forget You (or you know, that other version) by Cee-Lo.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:a) happier or sadder?b) thinner or fatter?c) richer or poorer?
a) I wouldn’t say sadder, but I feel like this year had some growing pains for me.  Martially and socially, I am happier than ever.  I have been healthy, which always begets happy.  Professionally, it was just a challenging year in many ways and I feel a little ruffled from that still… but not sadder.  Maybe just pensive and hopeful about change and what’s to come.  b)  Thinner, considering this time last year I was on prednisone.   Hello, chipmunk cheeks. (Otherwise, the same.)  c) Slightly richer, thanks to no longer working in the public sector. 

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Traveled. Wrote. Prayed. Listened.  Blogged.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Complained. Judged. Whined.  Cleaned out Buddy’s crate.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
My in-laws came up on Christmas Eve for dinner and exchanging gifts.  I spent Christmas Day like a regular Saturday – folding laundry, cleaning, working out – while Matt went to work.  My parents and brother came on Sunday, Katie and Dylan came on Tuesday and we did “Claffey Christmas” on Tuesday night. 

21. Did you fall in love in 2010?   I think it’s fair to say I went head over heels for a little house named “Jimtown” located in Sonoma County.  I just pray that it’s not an unrequited love, and I shall see my beloved again one day.  (Too dramatic?)

22. What was your favorite TV program?
Glee and How I Met Your Mother

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I will be really disappointed in myself if I ever answer yes to this question – I’d like to make it a lifelong goal to never feel hatred towards someone.  Yuck.  (So the answer is: no.)

24. What was the best book you read?
Animal, Vegetable, Miracle.  The Hunger Games series.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Vampire Weekend (I heard them on M+K’s blog, loaded them into Pandora and fell in love.)  Zac Brown Band.  Phoenix.  A Fine Frenzy.

26. What did you want and get?
A new job.  A new camera lens. 

27. What did you want and not get?
Work from home privileges.  Buddy to chill out.  Frye boots.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
The Blind Side.  (It was excellent, although to be fair I only saw that and Eclipse this year in the theater.) 

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
28!  We went down to Myrtle Beach for a few days, and then came back to Winston and met friends out at Foothills. 

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A hefty dose of patience and maybe a less anxious dog.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
Ann Taylor Loft + Ebay/Goodwill + Target.  Skinny jeans with flats or riding boots.  Lots of scarves.

32. What kept you sane?
My hubby, gratitude journaling, wine, best friends, monthly wine nights with best friends, my mom, running.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I fancy Oprah, with a side of Jamie Oliver.

34. What political issue stirred you the most? 
I don’t really follow politics due to the teeth clenching it usually provokes, but I have to say I am still scratching my head that we’re debating gay marriage.  I’m quite certain we’re going to look back at this issue in 20 years and think we were ridiculous for not making it legal sooner.

35. Who did you miss?
My parents, my sis, and far-flung friends.

36. Who was the best new person you met?
I can’t remember if it was the end of last year or early this year, but we met our friends Kate and Charlie through our friends Anne and Locke, and I’m thankful for our friendship with them and I’ll be doing my best to make sure they intend to be long-time Winston residents like us. 

I also met a number of friends through Twitter first, and then in real life.  I love when social media turns real life social.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010. 
Happiness is an act of purpose, a result of intentional thinking.  It doesn’t just happen and it’s not about luck or circumstance.  And it’s not about stuff that happened in the past or is going to happen in the future, it’s about being grateful and present in the right this moment now.  I hope I carry that lesson with me firmly into 2011.

Snow Place Like Home

We had our first snow fall of the year!  It started Saturday night, and the snow actually stuck around Sunday to make it really feel like a winter wonderland. 

You’d think after 18 years of living in upstate New York, snow wouldn’t really phase me anymore but since we only get it a real snow fall maybe three times a year here, it’s always pretty exciting.  When you don’t have snow all the time, the few times it shows up you still get that magical, hushed world feeling like a little kid as opposed to the grown up version of snow which is just being annoyed at how winter weather makes traffic bad, cars salty and hems of jeans permanently ruined.  I drove around Sunday running some errands and felt a teensy bit homesick seeing the snow covered trees and thinking about not going up to Rochester this year or Utah for New Years and getting my real snow fix. 

Saturday night we put a big dent in our Christmas decorating, which of course includes testing all of last year’s lights to see if they work.  Buddy is good at that.  I just love the way our house looks at Christmas time.  There’s nothing like the glow of twinkly lights and the fireplace flickering.  I remember sitting on the couch one night last year during our big snowfall and looking around at my glowing, warm home and having it really sink in that this is our home.  When you’re in your 20s, it feels like you move every single year.  I haven’t had the same address for more than 18 months since leaving Guilford Way on August 21st, 2000.  It hit me last year, in my Christmasy home, that we bought this house and it’s ours.  Provided the job hunting gods are good to Dr. C next year and no other unforeseen circumstances arise, I can go ahead and order the large roll of return address labels.  That’s a good feeling.  After all, there’s no place like home for the holidays and we’re fortunate enough to be about to spend our second Christmas in our home.  With this little guy.  Merry Christmas to us.

Everyday Life 2.0

Life is starting to settle into a routine again (ahh, sweet sweet consistency)… just in time for the weekends to get busy with tailgates, trip to the mountains and soon enough, holiday preparations.  Last week Matt had to work 12 hour shifts (night ones too) so we’ve been high fiving on the front steps as he comes home and I take off, and having about an hour together after work – sometimes long enough for dinner, sometimes not. 

There’s one person who’s been quite happy about this – the Budster.  After spending 8 hours asleep with me, he gets a walk and a bowl of breakfast  and then he’s back in bed for another 8 hours with Matt. 

After a busy Friday and Saturday – pizza/movie/vino with my friend Lauren, a 5k in the morning with Heather and her boyfriend, and rushing around getting ready for and going to the tailgate – I crashed hard on Sunday.  I’d been feeling hints of tired all weekend, and then I think I got dehydrated on Saturday (running followed by Gulp-size diet coke followed by tailgate beer… not so brilliant.)  Every time I tried to go vertical on Sunday, my head protested vehemently.

As delightful as spending another 8 hours in bed was to the Buddy, it was frustrating to me.  Didn’t my body know I had dishes to clean?!  There was remnants of artichoke dip plastered on every pot I owned.  Laundry to fold!  Floors to be swiffered!  And then there were blogs to be written and papers to be filed – I still haven’t put away 4 years worth of an office that I brought home from WFU and dumped in my guest room.  My blessed hubby has not taken up my dad’s strategy of dealing with annoying piles of crap – that is to say, I have not found my stuff dumped in the outside garbage can.

Yet.

After I roiled around for a few hours being mad at the world that the ONE DAY where I had nothing on my agenda, I couldn’t even stay upright, I finally accepted the situation and took a nap.

A five hour nap.

I know, poor me, right?

(Before I fell asleep, I desperately Googled "emergency housecleaning service" thinking MAYBE just maybe if I could find someone to clean my house while I slept MAYBE just maybe I would feel less guilty about sleeping.  It’s not as my house is usually eat off the floor clean, and I’m super particular about it, but it was a bomb, y’all.)

So I slept.  I slept, I slept and I slept and I woke up intermittedly to text my mom or answer a phone call from Matt and would test my upright powers.

"Can I stand up yet with no headache? Nope.  Okay, back to bed."

Finally around six, I felt functional and was able to clean up the kitchen, do a few loads of laundry and blog.  (Priorities… the floor can get swiffered lately, I had to blog, yall.)  Matt came home a few hours later with dinner/lunch and a big ol’ Gatorade for me. 

Of course, after sleeping most of the day awake I was wide awake at what should have been bedtime, so of course, I fretted about that and how I would already be starting the week with a sleep deficit if I couldn’t fall asleep soon.

Go with the flow is not really my specialty – are you picking up on that?

I finally feel like I’m starting to find into a routine with my work schedule, which is most excellent as this week somehow became jam packed with extracurriculars.  I haven’t felt "ready" so to speak to take on the extras the first couple weeks, and I still feel a little bit overwhelmed, but I’m getting there.  I mean, if ever there was a week to take! on! the! world! it would be right after a 5 hour nap, right?

Does everyone take so long to adjust to new routines as I do?  In college, I often felt like by the time I got a hang of my schedule – it’d practically be midterms.  I guess the problem isn’t so much that I take awhile to adjust to a new routine, it’s that I berate myself for *not* having adjusted yet.  As if, somehow in my 28 years of routine-loving-living, one day I might wake up and find oh hey! I rock at flying by the seat of my pants now!  Wouldn’t it be a whole lot easier if I just accepted that this is who I am, and anything new makes me wonky for at least a good six weeks?

Acceptance.  A novel idea.  Something that a life coach might encourage people to do?  Weird.

Back Where I Come From

Growing up, my mom always made corned beef & cabbage on St. Patrick’s Day. I guess I’ve never asked, but I’m assuming she started doing it for my Dad, whose father is Irish. (Although, from what I’ve heard about my Grandma Swales, my mom’s mom, boiling everything in one big pot would have been right up her alley when it comes to cooking!)

This was my first time attempting to cook it myself, and I was pretty pleased with the results. (I actually made this on Sunday, but it seems appropriate to post it today.) Then again, you basically just continually add things to boiling water: meat first, then potatoes, then cabbage. Making the sauce involves stirring and microwaving. It’s pretty much a no-fail, and it goes a long way. Definitely can see why my Grandma Claffey (my Dad’s mom) would have been a fan of this, since she was tasked with the challenge of cooking for nine every night!

I could hear her voice while I was cooking, with one of her most famous quotes:

“If potatoes weren’t so common, they would be a delicacy!”

I guess this should go on my cooking blog, but then again, it’s not the healthiest meal I’ve ever made, so between you and me, let’s just agree to leave it here.

Did I mention soda bread? Mmmm, soda bread. We’ve been eating this for almost a week now.

I love being Irish. Growing up in the North I experienced a big focus on “where your family comes from.” Maybe it’s because the northern states were “melting pots” much more than the South, but I’ve not come across this same fascination with the place of origin in the South. Here, when you ask someone where they are from, they are likely to tell you which county their relatives have lived in for the last 100 years! That kind of longevity of place is a bit of a novel concept for most Northerners.

In 3rd grade, we had to make cut out paper dolls to represent our family’s country of origin. I specifically remember using an excessive amount of red yarn for hair, and plenty of freckles. In 4th grade, we had to interview an older relative about their relatives – during this project I learned my great aunt was supposed to come over to America on the Titanic but fortuitously fell ill and couldn’t make the departure! In 5th grade, we had Immigration Day in elementary school. We had to dress up from whatever country our ancestors had come from, and if I recall right, there was a pretend Ellis Island type experience and a swearing-in assembly. Oh, us melting pot of Western European suburban kids!

I was very conflicted as to whether to represent my Swedish ancestors (Mom’s side) or my Irish ancestors (Dad’s side.) In the end, I choose Swedish for one simple reason: I was blonde.

Other than our somewhat odd fascination with immigration projects from 3rd grade to 5th grade, I haven’t dabbled much in my family’s roots. My brother spent sometime in college tracing my Dad’s line back to Ireland, and my mother’s father has a great record of his family dating back to England. The first time I learned that my Grandma Swales (Mom’s side) had descended from Swedish missionaries who had lived in Venezuela was at her funeral!

As I grow older, I find myself being tugged back towards my roots. I know very little about my family beyond my grandparents – which is the complete opposite of my “100 years in one county” husband who can tell tales of a great-great uncle who was a physician who traveled on horseback throughout Lincoln County and a great-great grandfather who was a pilot. It wasn’t until about a year ago, when putting together a family tree in my wedding scrapbook, that I learned that my sister’s name – Kathryn – was my great-grandmother’s name.

I know that, strangely enough, this is some of my reason for blogging. Ever since learning my great-grandmother’s name, I’ve wondered who she was. At 27, what was she doing? What did she think? My mom has recently found and shared some writing from my Grandma (her Mom) and there’s something that seems magical about hearing the voice of the people who came before you. Especially, in the case of my Grandma, hearing her voice as a wife and a mother, before she played the only role I knew her as – grandmother. I blog for myself, to shake the voices and stories out of my head, to supplement my not-so-trusty memory, but also to put my voice out there for my someday children or their children to read and know who I was, before I play the only roles they will know me in. Isn’t that the fascinating thing about people? We play so many roles in our lives, yet we generally only know each other in one or two of them.

Maybe it’s the process of beginning to start a new branch of a family tree – getting married, the joining together of two families – that makes the desire to know more about where you come from grow stronger. Maybe it’s totally random. What do you think? Do you know much about your family line? Have you ever been curious to know more? Where would you start, if you wanted to know?

Who knew a blog on boiled cabbage was going to end up being a soliloquy on immortalizing my own voice? I think I forgot to mention another reason I blog: it turns out I can, and will, talk about anything I want.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day, from a 25% 5th-Generation Proud to Be Irish Woman. Although, you should know, that’s just one of my roles.

Reading Resolutions

I don’t usually make New Year’s Resolution – I prefer to make them all year round, just to keep things interesting. But happenstance was that I made a resolution, it was in early January and thus, I decided it would be my NYR. It’s a bit of an odd one. I decided that I was going to make it my goal to stay out of the library until I have finished reading all the books I have borrowed (and returned them to their rightful owner… two I admit I have had since 2008), swapped or bought this year.

This may not sound like something that requires a resolution, but I tell you I have an insatiable weakness for library books. I’ll get a notion of a book I want in my head, I’ll look it up on the catalog and put it on hold. They call me to tell me it’s ready and I “dash” in to pick it up. Thirty minutes later, I am checking out with a good dozen other books. I don’t know what happens to me in those thirty minutes but I become overcome with something akin to binge-reading. Because they have a due date, they take precedence over the books that are sitting on my shelf, neglected and humble. So this year, I pledge to finish all my borrowed, swapped and bought books before I set foot in Reynolda Manor Library again. You heard it here first. I’m 2 months in, and making good progress.

Here’s the breakdown:

Borrowed, To Read:

• The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins (just finished)
• Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins (just finished)
• Alice Waters and Chez Panisse by Thomas McNamee
• Food Matters by Mark Bittman
• Fat Like Us by Jean Renfro Anspaugh
• Captivating by John & Stasi Eldredge
• Wild at Heart by John Eldredge

Swapped, To Read:

• Get Out of the Boat by John Ortberg (currently reading)
• Mindless Eating by Brian Wasnick
• Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle
• A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle

Bought, To Read:

• The Master Key System by Charles Haanel
• The Writer’s Home Companion by Joan Bolker
• The History of Love by Nicole Krauss

Already Read Once, but Want to Read Again:

• Master your Metabolism by Jillian Michaels
• End of Overeating by David Kessler

And then…. THEN…. my reward. Here are the books that are accumulating on my library list. Feel free to lend them to me if you have them, I’ll make sure to return them by 2013.

• Real Food by Nina Plank
• Inside A Dog by Alexandra Horowitz
• Better by Atul Gawande
• The Lost Continent by Bill Bryson
• Juliet, Naked by Nick Hornby
• Too Much Happiness by Alice Munro
• Stones into Schools by Greg Mortenson
• The Wrong Mother by Sophie Hannah

Have you read any of these? What did you think? Are there any I must add to my list?

In the meantime, should you see me approach a library, book store, or your own bookshelf, please feel free to dive in front of me to stop me. I know not what I do.

Majestic

I wake up from a heavy sleep to discover the flat plains of Texas have been replaced by a landscape so contradictory to anything I have ever known.  Sharp angular peaks, with frosted tops, cover the horizon as far as I can see.  The Rockies are so unlike any landscape I’ve even seen; they literally take my breath away.  I scan the peaks as the plane crawls along, and I notice signs of occupation are few and far between in the occasional valley.  It occurs to me then, how these mountains have outlasted anyone who called them home, as they will outlast anyone to come.  They are eternal, overwhelming in their beauty and magnitude, yet humble in the way that only something so great can be.  In the face of these rugged mountains, I see a reminder of who and what my glorious God is staring back at me. 

2009: Year in Review

I filled this out last year for the first time, after seeing it on a blog I read regularly. It was a great way to review the past year, so without further ado, I present… 2009 in review.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
Bought a house. Raised a dog. Cooked a holiday meal. Hired an intern. Remove the giblets from a whole chicken.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn’t make any at New Year’s… I like to make them year-round. Keeps me on my toes.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My childhood best friend had her first in June, a sweet little girl named Reese.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
A former participant of mine passed away in the fall – it happened out of the blue and was very sad.

5. What countries did you visit?
The lovely Dominican Republic. And of course, the Redneck Riviera. (Aka Myrtle Beach.)

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
A more specific marketing plan for my business.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

March 19th – Match Day

May 18th – Matt’s Med School Graduation

April 29th – Closing day on our house

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Deciding and committing to starting the book that’s been floating around my head for 2 years.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Trying to make black bean soup from scratch.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
A lovely colitis flare in September.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
A HOUSE! How bout that?

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My awesome, hard-working husband – he made me a bed this year! And a table! My friends who supported me and took care of me during my colitis flare. My intern.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
It seems like anyone who had a TV show on TLC kind of dropped the ball on integrity this year. (Not you, Stacy and Clinton, you’re still good in my book.)

14. Where did most of your money go?
Harris Teeter, student loans, Home Depot, Village Tavern and heyyy now, who’s got a mortgage like a big girl? Sigh. Me.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Wino Wedding and Wino Engagement, my photography class, getting a new camera lens + food processor (I think I knocked Matt over with excitement), matching here in Winston, my “personal development” project with Heather, going to a nutrition conference in March and the changes my business has gone through this year: more clients, an intern, and an e-newsletter. Yea, I’d say I’m easily excited.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009? I’m having a hard time picking one – I’d have to say Ingrid Michaelson – Maybe (since I really got hooked on her this year), Kings of Leon – Revelry (because this is what played the most in our house) and Black Eyed Peas – I Got A Feeling… just cos, why not.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:a) happier or sadder?b) thinner or fatter?c) richer or poorer?
Happier. Equally thin. Slightly richer, what with the husband joining the workforce.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Gone out. Traveled. Wrote. Prayed. Listened. (I wrote this answer last year, and turns out I’m keeping it.)

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Complained. Judged. Gossiped. Whined. (Dit-to.)

20. How did you spend Christmas?
In Lincolnton with my in-laws, then flew up to Rochester to be with my family.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?
With a furry 26 pound bundle of anxiety. I love my little noodle dog.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
Biggest Loser

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No.

24. What was the best book you read?
The Secret and Animal Vegetable Miracle

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Ingrid Michaelson, The Hush Sound, Glee, Glee and mooooore Glee.

26. What did you want and get?
A new camera lens and a food processor. A greater sense of peace and contentment. A really big cozy bed.

27. What did you want and not get?
To complete another half marathon. Thank you, colitis.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Precious, most definitely.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
27 – I shared my hubby’s graduation party, which meant we had lots of friends and family in town.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Cheaper air fare and more Starbucks gift cards.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
Professional Comfy, heavily influenced by Ann Taylor Loft.

32. What kept you sane?
Going to bed early, my husband, prayers, a gratitude journal, good health insurance, cheap wine and friendship.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
It’s still Bob Harper and Oprah, but I’d probably toss Michael Pollan in there for good measure now.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Judge me if you must, but I’ve stopped paying attention to Washington.

35. Who did you miss?
My parents, my sis, and far-flung friends.

36. Who was the best new person you met?
Wives of new interns moving to Winston – I am so excited and blessed by their new friendships.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
You are what you think.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

It’s time to trust my instincts / close my eyes and leap – Defying Gravity from Wicked, The Musical

Good-bye, 2009. You were a lovely, lovely year. I think I can partially credit this to starting a gratitude journal this year (and Thankful Thursday) but this year I have just felt so attuned all the wonderful blessings in my life. Even in the midst of some challenges (I’m talking to YOU, Buddy….), life just felt wonderful and full. I welcome 2010 with even greater expectations and wonder what will transpire by the time I sit down to do this next year.

Worst Day of the Year

Yesterday, January 4th was the worst day of the year, according to my sister’s Facebook status.  Immediately after she posted this, every single teacher she is friends with agreed, including my mother and my high school English teacher. 

The “dreading going back to work” statement was all over Facebook the night of January 3rd.  I can’t say I was doing backflips about going back to work, especially because that meant I’d actually have to brush my hair and get out of my pajamas … but I didn’t find myself dreading it either. 

I truly enjoy my job.  Even the more tedious parts, like paper work and data entry, give me a sense of accomplishment when I finish them.  Monday was just a typical day for me; it didn’t really feel at all like the “reality check” I was expecting.  I got to the office early, treating myself to a chai latte along the way.  I prepped for the week, getting my schedule ready, reviewing notes from my pre-holiday calls, and getting handouts ready for classes.  Mid-day I taught my first post-holiday class, and was pleasantly surprised to find that only a small percentage of people in my group had gained any weight over the holidays.  Most had either lost or stayed the same over the three week hiatus we had had.

Today started off with three coaching sessions, all very motivating and fun and productive.  I spent the rest of the day doing some paper work and reading, including snuggling up with a very exciting 10-journal-article packet on supplements.  Not exactly the same as cuddling up with the fourth Twilight book, as I had been doing over the holidays, but Twilight doesn’t exactly pay the grocery bills. 

Tonight, Matt and I are having dinner with the emergency medicine department and then I’m dropping dinner off for a girl in our resident-spouses group who just had a baby and is wrapping up maternity leave.  It’s been right back into the swing of things, but I can’t say I’ve really minded.  I have a lot on my plate this year and some pretty big plans for 2010, but I’m ready to see them into action. 

If yesterday really was the worst day of 2010, then it can only get better from here. 

Totally unrelated to post content.  But a picture-less post seems so wrong.

Prone to Wander

I didn’t grow up going to church. I went on a few occasions – accompanying my many Catholic friends to mass, attending with my grandparents only to be shuttled off to an awkward Sunday School class where I’d cling to my sister like saran wrap, and even attending a Catholic summer camp where Mass was given 3 times a week out on a hot tennis court. I was not drawn in, but not either turned off.

My first vivid encounter with religion was mid-high school, when a friend(?) of mine got rather judgmental on some of my choices. As it turns out, God does not love beer drinkers. Of all the many rejections and turmoil of high school, this one stands out to me the most. I had never had my character discounted right to my face and the experience stung.

It took me a little while before I became curious, much less open, to having a little more God in my life. I give a lot of credit to my first roommate in college, Steph. She is one of those people who just shines light from the inside out. Being a college freshmen comes with a handful of drama along the way, but Steph always remained calm, content and steadfast. I felt like she knew some secret to life that I was missing out on. She talked to me a lot about her relationship with God, but she never once made me feel inferior for where I was in my relationship with Him. I knew innately that Steph had something I didn’t, but it took a few more years before I really began searching.

What a classic cliche it is to find God in the midst of a crisis. My senior year of college everything seemed to fall apart at my feet. I lost a lot of confidence and happiness in the midst of a really toxic relationship that I refused to leave, citing “not giving up” as my reason for consciously choosing unhappiness. Then, one morning I woke up and my health was gone – just like that. I thought I had food poisoning, and when those lovely symptoms persisted for a month, then two months, and ultimately continued on for another year, I thought I might never live a normal, healthy life again. Somewhere in the middle of this madness, I started praying. I wonder if God ever just rolls his eyes when we wait until the sky falls down on us to look up.

It was a year later that I stepped foot in a church for the first time in probably ten years. To this day I have no conscious memory of how I chose the church I went to in Baltimore. It was 30 minutes north of the city. My parents are Catholic and Methodist, and it was Presbyterian. I knew no one there. But one day I googled a church, drove there and walked in. And I discovered what it was to worship. I can still remember the feeling of tears pin pricking behind my eyes and my nose as I heard, for the first time, the type of music that made me feel connected to this amazing feeling of love.

Throughout the next three years, my relationship with God grew bolder and more beautifully. I talked to Him, all the time. It was no longer just when I needed Him, I made it a point to tell him all the time how thankful I was. When my colitis flared up again, I constantly fought against the pervasive “why me” feeling to try and find reasons to be grateful – even if it was sometimes just being grateful for a well-timed public restroom, a hefty dose of steroids or a boyfriend in the medical field who didn’t seem to mind all the talk about my colon.

In the spring of 2005, Matt asked me if I would join him on a mission trip to Belize with his church. I was so excited to go, and I just kept expecting that I would have this MOMENT where my relationship with God would be forever and indelibly changed. The trip was lovely, and I was so moved by the love that the church community in Belize shared with us, by the exuberant joy and peace that the kids we played with in the school had, and the longing, vast need for love that we saw in the kids in the orphanage. But I never had that MOMENT, and I left the trip wondering if my relationship with God was different than other peoples, and if I was still missing something.

The smile that brings me back to Belize.

Sometime after moving to Winston-Salem, I found myself praying in my car on my way to work. I never like to put music on when I drive early in the morning and it felt natural to just begin talking to fill the silence. Sometimes out loud, but mostly in my head. Soon it became a routine, and an amazingly calm feeling would descend over me as I parked my car and headed into my day.

On September 7th, 2007, I was driving along Silas Creek Parkway, chatting away to God per usual. Only all of a sudden, I realized He was answering. I don’t know how I know this, but I heard Him as clear as if he was sitting right next to me. I asked him so many questions, I could barely contain my thoughts. I was afraid that at any moment, I would begin to question if this was really happening and lose the experience. As soon as I got to work, I ran to plug in my computer and write down as much as I could. I knew I wasn’t remembering everything we talked about, and I was afraid if I didn’t capture it I would lose the feeling forever.

In that moment, I realized what I had been missing in my life was a dialogue with God. My relationship with God was completely one-sided. “Hello, it’s me, again… you listening?” Even in my prayers of thanksgiving, I never once stopped talking long enough to see if He had anything to say. I have been able to recreate that moment on Silas Creek parkway many times throughout the last two years, and it’s remarkable to me every single time I stop to listen, God is actually talking back to me.

Am I crazy? Maybe. But I wouldn’t trade the peace of mind and overwhelming feeling of happiness that these conversations have given me in the 2 years to have the sanity of my last 25 years back.

I haven’t been to church regularly since I left my church in Baltimore, and I’ve had this nagging feeling that as a believer in God, I have failed Him by not showing up on Sunday. The last time I did go, one of the songs chosen for the service was called “Prone to Wander.” Ironic, yes?

How can I be so prone to wander
So prone to leave You
So prone to die
And how can You be so full of mercy
You race to meet me and bring my back to life

I have been feeling distant in my relationship with God lately and I blamed this on my lack of attendance to church or regular devotionals. I realized this morning that my wandering has nothing to do with my location at 11:00 am one day a week. My wandering has much more to do with allowing the chaos of every day life to prevent me from conversing with Him and to using being tired and busy as an excuse to why I’m failing to let His light shine through me.

How can I be so prone to wander from the one thing that makes everything else shine brighter? How can it be so easy to slip from the routine of being with Him? The simple fact is that He is right here, waiting for me to talk to Him, expecting nothing from me but my return to Him. How can You be so fully of mercy?

Selfish

Buddy has been coming around, in small but promising steps. We’re hopeful we can get him (and us) okay with the longer crate times in just two more weeks. These two weeks have been two of the more challenging weeks I’ve had in awhile, but in a wonderful way. Truth be told, I’m a pretty selfish person. I consider myself (hopefully humbly said) a good friend, I work in a helping profession, I try to do as much as I can to make my husband’s life easier, but when it comes right down to it up until June 1st, I mostly did what I wanted to did. If I wanted to stay an hour later at work, swing by the gym, or sleep in an extra hour later on any given day – I almost always did it. Not to say I didn’t take others (most notably, the husband) into account, but let’s be honest: Matt’s not going to pee on the carpet if I didn’t get home after 8 hours on the dot. While we convened schedules on The Big Things, my moment to moment schedule was pretty much up to: me.

But I’m happy about this change, for many reasons. One, I’ve always hated change but it’s unfailingly been good for me. I could cite so many examples where I’ve freaked out, frozen up and panicked when Life Changed. But then, it turned out to be really, really, really good. For more examples, you could pretty much read my last blog. 2 Panicky Entries to every 1 Resilient, Insight Entry.

Two, reality check. Most ever client I’ve ever had has had a challenge with prioritizing their health because they’ve been in a caregiver role. I’m a huge proponent of selfishness when it comes to health. I’ve done many talks on taking time for yourself. And I still believe in it, but suddenly here I am not going to the gym after work because it’s my turn to come home and do crate practice. And I’m going “Oh…. so this is how it happens.” I’m beginning to see how it’s a bit more complicated when dependents come into the picture. And mine is just the furry-four legged type. Hardly comparable to a infant child, a parent in declining health, an adult child who’s lost their job, a spouse with health issues and the many other scenarios my clients detail on a daily basis. “Getting it” is key to helping others and I’m beginning to see a teensy bit more of the light. Understanding can only improve my practice. Professionally, and without question, personally.

Third, practice. One day, I want small, squirmy, drooling things. Not just of the canine type. Heaven knows why, because I’m sure they’re going to cause more sleep deprivation and guilt and worry production in 24 hours than Buddy has in 2 weeks. But nonetheless, having any type of creature be dependent on me is good practice for things to come. Because let’s be honest, I didn’t do so good with the ferns.

Today we came home to Rochester, for Krissy’s wedding. Last night we had the dog sitter over and while I fed her wine and reassured her that the whole “only an hour in the crate” thing wasn’t nearly as bad as it sounded over a 3-day period, I was internally panicked the whole time she was going to throw her hands up any minute, tell us this wasn’t what she bargained for and leave us high and dry. This did not happen, and she even seemed to take kindly to my 8 page notes on how and where he will #2. (I’m serious. It’s a strategy.) My fear that she would reject my doggy was second only to the guilt I felt when he gave us THOSE eyes as we slipped out the door, suitcases in hand this morning.

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