February 3, 2010
Recently my friend, an exercise physiologist, and I attended a talk on a weight loss clinical trial at WF given by Dr. Larry Appel, a very prominent physician/researcher from Johns Hopkins. Dr. Appel is best known for established the link between sodium intake and hypertension. I may be* biased, but I consider Hopkins to be one of the premier institutions in public health, and I tend to put a lot of stock in the research that comes from this fine institution.
What most stuck with me from Dr. Appel’s talk was his reply to a question about whether or not physicians should offer their patients a “menu” of options when it comes to weight loss strategies. Many people might have agreed with this, reasoning that tailoring an approach to an individual’s lifestyle, preferences or energy would be a great way to increase the likelihood that they would comply with the prescription. Dr. Appel had a surprising and interesting reply.
He said that as much as he would like that option to be feasible, when you got right down to it, there are many things that people want to do to lose weight that are ineffective, and many things that they don’t want to do that are proven very effective. Specifically, he mentioned calorie counting – an activity that many people really passionately dislike doing but something that is incredibly supported by research as an effective and safe means of weight loss.
Did I mention I consider Hopkins people to be the best?
At this point, I looked over at the investigator of the research grant I work on who was giving me a look as if to say “Soooo, you haven’t been making this stuff up all along?”
***
Leaving the talk, my friend and I discussed the validity of this comment and how important it was to be direct with people about what works, even when they don’t want to hear it. (See: my love for Jillian Michaels and her unwavering ability to do this.) From there, we started talking about the many, many different reasons we’ve heard from people about why they are “unable” to exercise or commit to weight loss behaviors. We were doubled over laughing at some of the gems we’ve heard throughout the years – excuses we wonder if the person delivering them even believed.
About a year ago, my friend and I decided to test run a new exercise program. She designed it, and we used ourselves as guinea pigs for four months. It was the best shape I’ve ever been in in my life. It was so effective, we were able to implement it as a pilot study on a small group of people. Only we used the time we had set aside for our workout as the time we ran our exercise program.
You see where this is going right?
Fast forward to one year later. I’ve added in training a dog with separation anxiety and increasing the hours I’ve spent building my coaching practice, she added in a new boyfriend and getting her house ready to get on the market. Our laughter about our clients’ excuse turned to silence when one of us voiced out loud what we were both concluding:
It’s all too easy to claim you’re too busy to exercise (or eat right, or food log, or grocery shop, or cook…). What’s really going on though, is that you’re simply no longer making it a priority.
This was a sobering thought for us. Both of us identified ourselves as exercisers, we had both done our undergraduate and master’s work in the field of health and wellness, and we both worked DAILY to promote these behaviors. After a decade of consistent, regular exercise, we were both dismayed to admit we’d dropped off to probably half of our normal routine.
The car remained quiet the rest of our ride home.
***
Later that day, I got to thinking about this conversation. I realized how uncomfortable it made me to say, out loud, “exercise has not been my priority.” I had been saying I was too busy, but that wasn’t the real truth. Raising a dog and running a practice were just two puzzle pieces of my life. The truth was I had just chosen to make other things a priority, whether it was an extra hour of working, sleeping, reading a book, or sadly enough, watching TV or browsing Facebook. I had simply ceased to make exercise a priority.
As this truth sunk in, I felt extremely uncomfortable. But I realized this is exactly what my brain needed to hear. Not my priority?? I like exercising. Even more importantly, I love the results – the strength, the energy, the confidence, and hey, the way my jeans fit. I promote exercise to others. Of course, it is my priority. Saying these words out loud was the kick in the pants I needed to take action on it. Exercise is my priority, and reminding myself of that begins to bring my actions in alignment with my values.
Sure, there’s some valid reasons to not exercise (or whatever goal you’re trying to set.) Maybe you just had a newborn and sleep is your priority. Maybe you’ve got a gravely ill family member who needs round the clock attention and care right now. A broken ankle? Sure, make the couch all yours. A flooded house? Take a few weeks off. But when you get right down to it, to the very core of it, there are very few reasons why you can’t exercise. The truth is that it’s just not your priority.
And that might be okay with you! Try saying that out loud. If it doesn’t really bother you to hear that, it’s okay. You don’t have to exercise. (I could list you a bajillion reasons why you might want to… but if you’re willing to accept the consequences of not exercising, then acknowledging that it’s not your priority is okay.)
But if it does make you uncomfortable, sit with that awhile. Change is hard. But change won’t occur until the place you’re currently hanging out in has become more painful than making that actual change. If you want to make exercise your priority, become uncomfortable with the fact that you aren’t, rather than sweeping it under the rug with “busy.”
And the day came with the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” – Anais Nin
(*May be? I am most definitely biased, as it is my graduate “alma mater.” I promise to try and not that influence me, but I do love them Hopkins folks.)
November 18, 2009
On November 26th, we will all gather together with our friends and family and count our blessings. This is a lovely tradition, and something many of cherish and look forward to.
So why don’t we do it the other 364 days of the year?
Gratitude is one of the most powerful, positive emotions that exist. Yet harnessing this incredible power is something many of us often forgot about, neglect or dare I say, don’t appreciate. Using this power, and using it daily, can be a life-changing experience.
Think about the last experience you had where you were so engaged in something that time stood still. Whether it was reading a really incredible book, or working on a project you were excited about, or watching your child gleefully toss leaves in the air, being in the moment is a positive, joyful experience. I have noticed that most of our fears and anxieties come from dwelling on what past experiences we’ve had or worrying about what the future will hold. When we are present, worry, fear and stress diminish. Channeling feelings of gratitude are a great way to immerse oneself into the present moment, reducing stress and increasing positive emotions.
And best of all? Gratitude is free. It doesn’t have any calories. It doesn’t have any side effects. It doesn’t require a membership, a baby-sitter or having to remember a password with one lower-case letter and 3 numbers. It can be done anytime, anyplace, anywhere… it is the ultimate feel-good fix.
An easy way to get started creating this experience is with a gratitude journal. I like to think of this as collecting evidence. Seeing in black and white, over the days and eventually weeks, all the evidence of good things in your life is powerful. Journaling can be, and should be, simple, straight-forward and stress-free.
Here are some tips she shares for starting your own gratitude journal, created by Keena after she was inspired to start her own journal recently:
• No rules. Avoid setting up expectations like a number of items, or not being able to repeat the same thing. You should never like you have to repress a gratitude. (I agree! In my own gratitude journal, my husband, my dog, and my health insurance repeat almost daily.)
• Missing days: don’t beat yourself up if you miss a day. Go back if you want, or just start fresh with a new day. It’s meant to be something you enjoy doing.
• Leave blank spaces: you may want to go back and add something later that occurs to you.
• Reframing: Keena noted that the word “gratitude” can create an expectation of a certain importance or significance for some. Reframing the exercise to “things that made me happy” and you’ll find your list can include everything from seeing your toddler giggle, to the perfect squiggle of caramel on top of a coffee, to the great parking space you got.
You can journal any time of day. Morning journalers often reflect on the day past, or on what’s to come before them. Starting the day off in this mindset creates an expectation for positive experiences throughout the day. (And as we know – you get what you’re looking for!) Night time journalers might use the time to reflect on the day, walking through each event purposefully seeking out the moments, the memories or the people that created positive emotions.
Thanks to technology, you can even journal easily throughout the day. In fact, there’s even an iPhone application called the Happy Tapper that lets you journal, or create a vision board, right on your phone. That’s right… there’s an app for that.
The creator of the iphone app, Carla Kay White, was inspired to design the application as a way to share with other people the incredible shift that using a gratitude journal created for her. She says just a few months of journaling changed her life, including better sleep, weight loss, more meaningful personal relationships and more fulfilling experiences with her career. When I spoke with her, it had been over a year and a half since she started journaling and she said the effects of it are still going strong.
Carla says, about journaling, “It’s a snowball effect. Everything just seems to get bigger and better. This doesn’t mean I don’t have any issues or struggles in my life. Everyone does. I can handle them so much better and know not to let them get the best of me.”
Now that’s compelling evidence! (Read more of Carla’s story on her blog or the rest of my interview with her here.)
Almost everyone who keeps a gratitude journal talks about a shift that starts happening after a few weeks. You begin looking for things to be happy about. And the more you look, the more you find. You might also find that you begin to express appreciation for the personal interactions in your life that you’re grateful for. Small things, like your spouse unloading the dishwasher or a neighbor rolling the trashcan up to your home, become acts of service to be celebrated and acknowledged. And like any good dog trainer will tell you, what you reinforce you get more of!
One regular journaler noted that over time he began to recognize that the experiences he captured in his journal were not things that cost him any money. As someone who was constantly stressed about his financial situation, using a journal helped him recognize that what he valued most was the stuff in his life, it was the moments. This helped him create criteria for spending money: is this an investment in a moment or experience that will make my life (or my loved ones) life happier or easier?
A few months ago, I started small with my gratitude journal – I aimed for one day a week. I started a tradition called Thankful Thursday in my personal blog, and every Thursday I would list all the things that came to mind that had made me happy that day. Two weeks ago, I was in Starbucks meeting a client on a Thusrday afternoon. The barista making my drink said to me, “What are you so happy about today?” Without a moment’s hesitation, I said “It’s Thursday!” I assume that she figured I meant “and thus, tomorrow is Friday!” but in that moment, I realized how much I had come to delightfully anticipate Thursdays. In fact, I would often go through the day looking for things to add to my list.
After a few months of Thankful Thursdays, I’ve now graduated to daily journaling. Every night before I go to bed, I walk through the past day in my head and jot down everything that comes to mind that has made me happy that day. My lists range from a delicious glass of wine to the safety of a friend who was in a traumatic car wreck. Sometimes I write for 2 minutes, sometimes its 20 minutes later and I’m filling up the margins on the side. While I journal at night, the experience of being grateful lasts all day long. When I sit down to reflect on the wonderful things I’ve experienced that day, it’s often times almost overwhelming how much there is in my life to be thankful for.
Why do we save up our thanks for one day of the year when we could be experiencing this incredible emotion every single day? For some people, the idea of focusing on gratitude might seem like a bit of a Pollyanna experience. It’s easy to get caught in the vicious spin cycle of stress, worry, and fears and forcing oneself to “find the silver lining” might feel like a platitude that ignores the real problems that every single human faces in their daily life.
Carla said she was skeptical at first, and understands the doubts of other people who wonder how just putting words to paper can really bring about change. She encourages people to try it, every day, for a month and just see what happens. “A shift will happen. It most likely won’t be in the way that you imagine it to. But that’s ok. Trust that the universe is working for you and it will. Just keep telling it what you’re thankful for so it knows what to keep giving you. You’re having a conversation with the universe all day anyway, why not take control of it?”
While focusing on gratitude might not make your problems disappear with a magic wand, it can put equal weight on the other side of the see-saw of emotions that worry and stress often runs us over with. We humans are accustomed to finding fault in many things – customer service, traffic, managers, family members, our government, and most notably – ourselves. For most, it is a complete shift in perspective to begin actively seeking positive experiences in our day to day routines. Flexing the gratitude muscle over time strengthens it, until like any action repeated frequently enough, it becomes automatic. Imagine that? Feeling good, all the time, automatically?
That sounds like something to be thankful for.
