June 22, 2009
I mentioned Oprah’s Best Life Week in a long ago post and I wanted to talk about a statement she made in her interview on Monday of that week that I keep on thinking about – almost half a year later. As she talked about her own struggles with weight, she said “Anybody who struggles with weight is hungry for something else.”
I’ve been entrenched in the world of weight loss, professionally and personally, for almost a decade. I’ve heard a lot of things said about people who struggle with their weight, most hurtful and a far cry from the truth. Oprah, no big surprise here, knows what she’s talking about. For about 20% of the people I work with, weight loss is merely a matter of understanding how many calories they need and how many calories are in the foods they eat. They get the formula, the book, the log and off they go. For the majority, eating in excess (and a deficit of activity) may indeed be one part lack of knowledge, but is a greater part emotionally driven. It’s not about willpower, about being lazy, about being stupid or all the other things we’ve all heard said (probably most often from none other than Yourself) – it’s about discovering and understanding, as Oprah, said what you’re really hungry for.
It could be as simple as more sleep or as profound as more love. It could be as benign as a cure for boredom or as complex as a cure for low self-worth.
Many people fear being hungry when they’re trying to lose weight, but the fact is that stomach growling hunger is much easier to deal with then love-hunger, security-hunger, self-worth-hunger, companionship-hunger, peace-hunger, calm-hunger, or whatever else you are starving for. Feeding that hunger with food – food that is so readily available and inexpensive in our country – is a learned habit. Can you un-learn a habit? Of course… but not without support, introspection, determination and the choice to build a new habit.
Oprah has bared her hunger and declared herself willing to try and feed it in a way that supports her health. Are you ready to find and feed your hunger?
More articles on emotional eating:
Stress Eating
Cravings
April 25, 2009
Shoot, I need to get an oil change. I wonder when I can go. Maybe Thursday? No, definitely not Thursday, I’ve got a doctor’s appointment Thursday and that meeting is on Friday so I better leave some time to prepare for that. I’m so not prepared for that. I need to email Joe and see where the numbers are for that. I wonder if our tax return is ready yet. I need to pay our water bill I think. Crap, I need to get to the grocery store too. I don’t know what I’m cooking for dinner tonight. Maybe I’ll just get pizza. That’s not very healthy though, can’t eat that. But, blech, I’m so sick of chicken. I need to lose some weight. These pants are way too tight. I hate the way they look. I hate the way I LOOK. I need to go to the gym. My knee hurts. I wonder who’s going to get kicked off American Idol tonight. I’m so tired. I shouldn’t have stayed up so late watching TV last night.
What? Don’t tell me you haven’t heard a similar diatribe play in your own head before? I swear, whenever I stop to actually pay attention to the running stream of consciousness in my head, I often find if I’m not monitoring it, it’s like having an email inbox with no spam filters. It’s like a free for all of thoughts, with no limitations on what I actually want there.
There’s a concept in the field of personal development called the law of manifestation (or sometimes called the law of attraction.) The general premise of this law is that “Like Attracts Like,” or that all thoughts have an energetic field to them and whatever thought you’re putting out there creates results around the energy of that thought, whether positive or negative. If you accept that, the next premise – the negative thought attracts negative outcomes – is where I find we tend to get a little stuck. It’s like waking up in the morning, stubbing your toe and thinking “AGGGH. This is going to be a crappy day.” And guess what? It usually is.
We’re all constant thought-machines and playing the bait and switch on your thought processes all day can be overwhelming. I talk about the process of TFA for creating big picture positive thoughts (to create positive emotions) but there’s a game I play with myself on a more minute-by-minute basis to switch myself out of stream of consciousness mode when I’m focused on all the things I “don’t want” – to do lists, worries, frustrations, annoyances, stressors.
I call it “The Catch.” I call it that because the first step is catching yourself in the moment of having a negative thought… or thoughts. For myself, it’s often times a physical cue that I’m getting into negativity mode – an uneasy, tense feeling in the pit of my stomach, or I’ll find my hand has flown up to rub the back of my neck (for me: an immediate signal that my body is going into STRESS MODE, alert the cortisol pumps!!!). Or, of course, an overwhelming desire to turn the car immediately into the Starbucks drive through and get a mocha frappuchino. (Light, with no whip of course, BUT STILL.)
I slam the brakes on my thoughts (and my car) as soon as I catch them and immediately ask myself this question: So, what DO I want?
It’s an easy question to answer, and as soon as I shift my focus away from what I don’t want, what I lack, what I fear, what I worry about to what I hope for, what I have plenty of, what I celebrate, what I am confident in, the mood shift is immediate. My focus shifts to gratitude, optimism, excitement and peace of mind. The knot in my stomach releases, the tension disappears from my neck and my car stays on its due course. When you focus on what you want, you start noticing when you’re getting what you want. When you focus on what you have plenty of, you wallow in gratitude and the feeling of security. When you start celebrating, you find joy in the every day. Focusing on the positive is hardly a concept anyone can argue against for better living; but I often find the challenge is getting yourself to make the switch. It doesn’t have to be so difficult. Just catch, then ask. “What do I want?”
Whether or not you believe “Like Attract Like,” I promise you, you have nothing to lose by focusing on thoughts that generate positive emotions. Start today: Catch. Ask. Shift. Enjoy the benefits.
January 25, 2009
Sometimes there appear to be themes to my weeks. I’ll find myself saying the same thing over and over again to four or five clients in one week, a statement I haven’t said in weeks or months yet it seems applicable to many that one week. This happened to be one of those weeks, and I’ll put this out there because maybe there’s something to be said for universal consciousness: many of us becoming aware of something all together.
“The difference between people who lose weight and keep it off, versus those who struggle with their weight all their life has nothing to do with the types of foods they eat, the diet program they join, the amount or type of exercise they do… the difference is all mental. How they think about themselves, their body, their worth, how they think about food and exercise, how they value health – that is where the difference lies.”
I must have said that spiel to six clients and in three or four groups this week. I hear a similar sentiment being reflected by Oprah, in her Best Life Ever confession, and on the Biggest Loser, as Bob and Jillian begin to focus on emotional ties to weight nearly as much as they do food and exercise. It makes me hopeful to believe that we as a whole are becoming more aware of this new way of approaching weigh tloss: from the inside out.
There’s no magic formula for eating right and exercising. There’s a huge body of science that tells us how to do it in the manner that’s best for our body and our health. But the magic formula for weight loss lies not in research articles, in diet books or in gym.
I’ve talked about it here, here and here. This is approaching weight loss from the inside out. This is tackling the emotions the cue you to stand in front of the pantry or make a spontaneous left hand turn into the drive through.
The magic is within you, and the only thing that stands in the way of you creating the life you want is the beliefs you hold about whether or not you deserve or are capable of that life.
September 30, 2008
I was shy. I was one of those kids who turned the color of a radish whenever I raised my hand in class to talk. I actually did homework during study halls because I was too nervous to strike up a conversation with people I didn’t know.
In 4th grade, I desparately wanted to be on student council. But to get elected, you had to stand up in front of the classroom and make a speech. For the other candidates, this task appeared to be the most natural thing in the world. When I stood up to talk, I shook. I got clammy. My teeth chattered. The air turned 90 degrees and humid in an instant. To this day, I don’t know what I said. All I remember is that I lost – dreadfully. The teacher kept a tally on the chalkboard, and I had two votes. Since I voted for myself, I can only imagine that perhaps she gave me an extra tic mark so I wouldn’t feel quite so pitiful. Immediately after we raised our heads from the desk and I saw the tally, the embarassment overwhelmed me. I excused myself to the nurse’s office and somehow talked her into calling my mom to come pick me up.
This was my first experience with public speaking and it only went downhill from here for the next 13 years straight through grad school.
Yet as I write this today, I just finished leading two groups at WFU. I will do one more in about 20 minutes and then will pack up and head over to the YMCA, where I’ll lead another group after dinner. Over the last two years, I have led close to 275 classes and workshops. They have ranged from 3 people to 50 people. This is an astronomical number for someone’s who has nearly a decade of proven flight-or-fight responses to all incidents of public speaking, ranging from 60 minute thesis defenses to 30 second ice breaker introductions at book clubs.
To be honest, I am not entirely sure how this happened. But somewhere along the way it became easier and then at some point, completely comfortable. Because I so passionately love the message I am trying to share, today I would crawl up on a rooftop with a bullhorn if I had the opportunity. I truly believe one of the greatest barriers to weight management is the lack of education about the basic principles about weight loss and so the more groups I lead, the greater numbers I can reach with this message. My fear diminished when I chose to move forward when faced with the opportunity to do something I believed in.
Mind you, it didn’t disappear – it diminished. Last week I was a presenter for a conference for the Area Agency of Aging. This was the biggest group I had ever been in front of and involved a microphone and a podium and a whole bunch of people counting on me to provide their continuing education credits. Was I nervous? You bet. Clammy hands and humid room all over again. Each time I click on a power point, there’s still a little worry in the back of mind – “will they like what I have to say? will it be useful to them?” But with each click of the slide, my fear fades into the background as I grow energized with a feeling that this – being someone who shares the message of health education – is my greater purpose.
Eleanor Roosevelt said it best when she said “Do one thing every day that scares you.” For whatever reason, it is often the thing we fear the most that has the greatest reward. How many times have we fallen short of what we are divinely capable of because we choose inaction out of fear?
There is much to fear when it comes to attempting a lifestyle change as great as weight loss. What if it’s hard? What if I’m hungry all the time? What if I have to give up my favorite foods? What if it changes holidays for my family? Going out to eat with my friends? What if I lose weight and regain it? What if I fail?
Moving forward in the face of that fear is where you tap into something greater than yourself and that power is beyond measure. When you recall the moments in your life that give you the greatest feeling of pride and satisfaction, can you recall whether you had any hestitation about taking the steps towards that achievement?
Most of us will find, with reflection, that the most rewarding things we have done in our life required one gigantic leap of faith to get started followed by daily steps of faith to keep going.
There’s no guarantee that I won’t fall flat on my face in this next class. There’s no guarantee that my powerpoint projector won’t work and I’ll have to wing it. (It’s happened today.) There’s no guarantee that someone in my group won’t be vehemently and vocally opposed to what I have to say. (Has also happened.) There is no guarentee that someone won’t fall asleep. (Happens ALL the time.) Each day I stand up in front of a group, I take a leap of faith that what I have to say will empower, educate and delight someone.
And if it doesn’t, at least I can say that you will no longer find me in the nurse’s station.
Food For Thought: What one thing have you been putting off out of fear? What is the actual, worst case scenario that could happen? How likely is that to really happen? What are you missing out on by not taking action? I challenge you to try one thing tomorrow that scares you.
August 26, 2008
Years ago I came across one of those kitschy post-it note pads that declared “STRESSED SPELLED BACKWARDS IS DESSERTS!” and the adage has been stuck in my head ever since. However, there’s a deeper connection between stress and our favorite comfort foods that goes beyond a palindrome word game. The majority of my clients tell me that when they are stressed, they eat. There truly is a well trained emotional and physical balance between stress and the desire to plow through an entire carton’s of Edy’s Slow Churned. Under stress, your body pumps out cortisol as part of its natural “fight or flight” response to such threats. In chronic stress situations, however, the body no longer responds to the natural signals that tell it to shut down cortisol production. One of the jobs of cortisol is to replenish the energy that would have been used in our fight or flight response (say, to run away from that saber tooth tiger in our caveman days) and thus, hunger is spiked. Cortisol is also responsible for ushering all the excess energy being taken in through Edy’s, oreos and wheat thins and guide them straight to storage in the abdomen area. Helpful when you’ve just run 4 miles to get away from that saber tooth, but not so helpful when the source of your stress is ongoing and usually involves you being pinned to your desk chair, driving around like a chauffeur or vegging out in a near-coma in front of The Office reruns as you try to forget your office drama. Now we’ve got elevated hungry, cravings for quick energy (hello, sugar!), and quick and easy storage of that extra energy.
So, where does this leave us? Helpless to cream puff cravings when your boss is cracking the whip? Having to accept that the moment your daughter says “Mommy, there’s this boy…”, you’re destined to increase a pants size? Hardly! The good news is that while these physiological pathways do exist and can help relieve us of some of our “why can’t I just get my act together” guilt, there is a very strong psychological aspect of stress eating that we evolved humans can do something about. A strong part of this chain is the learned behavior. Under stress, your body responds as it has since its caveman days. We respond as we have since our childhood days – by using food as a comfort and an automatic response to these triggers. Do this enough times (say, the course of a few decades) and we’ve become the proverbial Pavlovian dogs to our pantries and freezers.
Want to free yourself of the response overall? For years I worked with clients (and myself) on finding “replacement activities” when it came to eating as a response to stress. While other activities – exercise, yoga, meditation, laughter, reading, hot baths, and even sex – can act to reduce stress (and consequently, diminish cortisol levels), like food they are still a balm to a sore. Crank that stress up high enough and it’s hard to remember that downward facing dog might be a better response than double chocolate moose tracks.
Then one day it occurred to me – why didn’t we go straight to the root of the problem? Eliminate or reduce the stress.
Sound too good to be true? “I can’t help but be stressed – my job brings it on!” “Being a parent means being stressed – there’s no way around it.” I got to thinking as I explored this route – which came first? Are the situations we humans are in inherently stressful, or are our perceptions of them driving the stress? Have you ever been sitting at work and felt like you wanted to leap out your chair, announce to the world at large that you quit and go find some other task – even one with less compensation – if only to avoid the stress of YOUR job?
I polled many women to ask them if they experienced stress at their job. You might not be surprised that the CEO of a fortune 500 company is stressed, but did you ever imagine the woman handing you over your skinny vanilla latte was experiencing her own woes? If you think escaping your life into someone else’s Louboutins is the answer, think again. The real impact comes when we start digging around at how we personally perceive the situations that are causing us stress.
Is it hard? A little bit.
Is it possible? You bet.
Is it worth it? Oh yes. You have no idea.
Food for thought: Choose one situation in your life that is causing you stress and identify your predominant thoughts around it. Challenge yourself to come up with as many different interpretations of the situation as you can, other than the one you’ve been carrying. Go crazy. Make yourself laugh. When you run out of ideas, choose an interpretation that generates a feeling you’d prefer to have – contentment, competence, empathy, even humor. It may be a small step, but all it takes is making the first one. Let me know how it goes!
*Giving credit where credit is due! A great portion of the information about hormones and stress was based on the truly wonderful research of Dr. Elissa Epel, PhD. Dr. Epel is a health pscyhologist at UCSF.
