By: Guest Blogger Keena Hutchens
Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years’ Eve….this time of the year usually finds us with tons to do and never enough time to do it in. There’s a lot of hours put in to make sure that the holidays go off without a hitch from planning, decorating, shopping, coordinating schedules; it’s enough to wear you out. I tend to notice a lot of people around this time of year get so caught up in making sure everything is perfect that they don’t have time to enjoy it. Isn’t it sad that that all the things that are supposed to make the holidays fun get turned in to checking off a to-do list that we have to do rather than be activities we want to do? So many people just get so burned out and stressed out by the time everything’s done that they’re just waiting for the holidays to be over, especially when holiday chores are being piled on top of all the other responsibilities you have.
Why do we have this problem every year? Part of the reason is that we feel like we can’t say ‘no’ when people try to add to our to-do list; we feel guilty letting people down and don’t want to be perceived as ‘not up to the challenge’ or like a scrooge. Sometimes we think, ‘well someone has to do it, and if I don’t, it just won’t get done!’ And then there’s the little voice inside our heads that keep comparing what we do to everyone else: “the neighbors have more lights than we do, better put some more up”, “Sarah’s family is going skiing this year, why aren’t we taking a trip?”
I know that during the holiday season we’re barraged with messages of “it’s better to give than to receive” and to think of those who may not have as much as us. Those are very good messages that we need to be reminded of, but not at the cost of becoming so wrapped up in giving that we get become frustrated and irritable or we miss out on how fun this time of year can be. So this year, when you start to feel frazzled, I want you to remember to give time to yourself. Maybe some of the things on your to-do list don’t have to be done. Stop comparing what you do to everyone else; it’s your holidays and if you and your family enjoy them then it doesn’t really matter what the neighbors think. Ask for help even when you don’t think you need it, it makes others feel good to be useful and needed. But when you ask for help, you need to be willing to let that person handle things in their own way instead of nagging at them that they’re not doing it the “right” way; don’t micromanage your volunteers! Most importantly, take time out for yourself. Whether it’s an hour taking a bubble bath or (a personal favorite) really rocking out to songs on the radio (and yes, this often involves air guitar and head banging at stop lights on the way to wherever I’m going) take time to de-stress and let loose doing something that you enjoy. Just a few minutes of “me time” can make you feel refreshed and recharged to handle whatever holiday disaster that comes your way.
Keena is an intern at Meg Cline Coaching and a senior at Salem College. She is double majoring in Philosophy and Religion in order to learn about other’s perspectives on life. Her interest in life coaching comes from helping others realize what they want and how to get there.
Being a mother is the toughest jobs there is. It doesn’t end at 5 o’clock, it is often thankless and it certainly doesn’t come with 2 weeks paid vacation. It shifts your priorities in a way that nobody can anticipate before accepting the job offer. And I say all this merely as an outsider looking in, seeing as my only dependent is furry and four legged! Most mothers know on an intuitive level that they need to take care of themselves to be the best mother they can be. While they may know this, there’s often a gap between knowing and doing. Or, more importantly, knowing and knowing how.
I was recently sent a copy of Renee Trudeau’s book The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal. Renee is an Austin-based career/life coach who created the Guide as a tool to help empower women to really define and create the type of lives they want.
Many mothers who know that they need to be taking care of themselves often struggle with how to do that, or where to start. As I read Renee’s book I thought to myself, “here is the map, that step-by-step guide that every mother is seeking.”
Renee’s book is laid out in a month-to-month format that offers guidance and tools to help women develop strategies and create the mindset that fosters self-renewal. There’s no prescription or one-size-fits-all cure to self-renewal. One of the things I liked most about the guide was that each month included space for journaling and introspection – fostering the opportunity to really self-tailor the strategies to each individual’s needs and preferences.
Interestingly enough, I also found the book helpful for myself, despite not being a mother. There were so many themes throughout the book that would serve anyone who plays a caretaking role – whether it is to children, aging parents, to spouses, to friends or even working in a helping profession.
One of my favorite concepts was the idea that “no is a yes.” As Keena talks about in her post on making time for yourself, saying no is really hard for many people. Whether it’s from past programming that rewards you for being “the helpful one” or a fear of letting down others or simply a sense of obligation, there’s so many “strings” attached to the word “no.” Reframing “no” to see it as a yes to yourself – for more time, more energy, more rest, etc – is a wonderful way to reinforce the experience of saying no.
For anyone, but especially mothers out there, who know they need to take care of themselves but are not sure how to create that space in their life, Renee’s book offers an excellent set of a tools to create the foundation for self-renewal. Taking care of yourself is not only a gift to you, but it is ultimately a gift to all those whom you carry in your life.
If you want to get Renee’s book or learn more about her coaching, you can visit her here.
Fun disclaimer stuff: The FTC has recently passed a new amendment that all bloggers make note of any compensation they receive for products mentioned on their blogs. I did not receive any moola from Renee Trudea and associates, simply an opportunity to read a book for free. If I didn’t like it, I wouldn’t have posted about it. Did I cover my bases, FTC?
So many people tell me that their weight problems come from their love of eating. They are surprised when I argue otherwise. The way we treat food in our American culture is such a poor example of a loving relationship. So many of our food choices are made mindlessly, meals eaten quickly or based on poor substitutes for actual, real food that I find it hard to believe that so many of us truly claim to love food.
Think about the last meal you ate at your desk. (C’mon, I do it too…) Do you remember what it tasted like? Looked like? How much of it did you eat?
When was the last time you ate in your car? Or nibbled on something at a meeting to distract yourself from the actual meeting? Food is more often used than loved or admired or experienced. Just think of how different your eating experiences might be if you truly did treat each meal with respect and love. Food is not just a means to deliver nutrients to us but nor is it meant to be used as an pacifier, as entertainment or as something quick and convenient to quiet the mid-day rumblings in your tummy.
People often wonder how the French can dine on high-caloric foods like chocolate, breads and cheeses and stay so much thinner than us. The secret lies in their cues of when to stop eating. Research studies that quiz French citizens on questions like “how do you know when to stop eating?” find that time and time again, the French stop when they are full.
When do we stop? If you guessed “when it’s gone”…. you’re right. And think about what that means for us if we’re eating while doing other things – watching TV, reading email, working on a deadline, even letting out mind drift in a meeting. If you rely on the cues of the plate to tell you when you’re full, that means you’re at mercy of the portion size. It doesn’t take one long to realize how this could be troublesome.
If you claim to love food (as I do!), give yourself a gift: treat eating as a pleasurable experience. Trust me, that’s not what got you into trouble in the first place. I’m not talking about using food as a substitute for pleasure when you’re stressed, worried, sad or anxious. I’m talking about consciously creating pleasurable eating experiences. Here’s a few tips for doing so:
- Sit down to eat every meal at a table. (No, not a desk. And sitting down behind the wheel of the car doesn’t count either.) If this seems monumental, start with just your meals and gradually work up to incorporating snacks into the picture too. When I lived in Spain in my college years, it struck me as odd that I never saw people walking around the streets of Seville eating. In fact, the one time I strolled around, granola bar in hand, you would have thought I was an alien amongst humans with the looks I got. I realize now my fellow Sevillanos had it right: food is meant for the table. Not the car, the desk, the bed, the couch and certainly not strolling around.
- Eliminate distractions: turn off the TV, put away the newspaper or computer or Blackberry, stop working for a minute, pull over. Focus on the food: how does it taste? how hungry are you? When are you full? Again, if this feels like a monumental task: start small by choosing one meal a day to eat distraction free. This is one of my greatest challenges; I know I often eat lunch while finishing work and it’s not unusual for the TV to be on 2-3 nights a week during dinner. I have set aside breakfast as my distraction free meal of the day, and I’m working up from there. I have found the times I do this, I often end up eating less than the portions I’ve doled out for myself. (I will often pack the rest of my breakfast as a snack for later, which I normally would have eaten anyways. Being satisfied with less feels good.)
- Create atmosphere. You know what they say: presentation, presentation, presentation. Set the table. Light a candle. Arrange the food artfully on the plate. Even if you’re eating a frozen entree, take it from the plastic container and put it on a plate. I know, I know – that’s one more thing to wash… but you’re worth the extra dishwasher suds, trust me.
- Choose food that fuels you. This is the final step, and possibly the most critical. Start shifting away from processed, packaged and convenient foods to choosing whole, delicious foods that nourish you. Think of food as fuel and you’ll start to question the value of some of the things we put in our body.
These changes are meant to be made one by one, and slowly over time. Choose one that seems reasonable to you, and begin by incorporating that into your lifestyle. Try to create conscious moments whenever you are eating, by stopping and asking yourself questions like: “How does this taste? How hungry am I? Why am I eating?” Think about food as something to have a relationship with – remember, if you treat it with kindness and respect, chances are, it will treat you better. And that’s something to love.
My breakfast routine: sit down, no distractions, create atmosphere.
(Much more enjoyable than eating in the car!)
On November 26th, we will all gather together with our friends and family and count our blessings. This is a lovely tradition, and something many of cherish and look forward to.
So why don’t we do it the other 364 days of the year?
Gratitude is one of the most powerful, positive emotions that exist. Yet harnessing this incredible power is something many of us often forgot about, neglect or dare I say, don’t appreciate. Using this power, and using it daily, can be a life-changing experience.
Think about the last experience you had where you were so engaged in something that time stood still. Whether it was reading a really incredible book, or working on a project you were excited about, or watching your child gleefully toss leaves in the air, being in the moment is a positive, joyful experience. I have noticed that most of our fears and anxieties come from dwelling on what past experiences we’ve had or worrying about what the future will hold. When we are present, worry, fear and stress diminish. Channeling feelings of gratitude are a great way to immerse oneself into the present moment, reducing stress and increasing positive emotions.
And best of all? Gratitude is free. It doesn’t have any calories. It doesn’t have any side effects. It doesn’t require a membership, a baby-sitter or having to remember a password with one lower-case letter and 3 numbers. It can be done anytime, anyplace, anywhere… it is the ultimate feel-good fix.
An easy way to get started creating this experience is with a gratitude journal. I like to think of this as collecting evidence. Seeing in black and white, over the days and eventually weeks, all the evidence of good things in your life is powerful. Journaling can be, and should be, simple, straight-forward and stress-free.
Here are some tips she shares for starting your own gratitude journal, created by Keena after she was inspired to start her own journal recently:
• No rules. Avoid setting up expectations like a number of items, or not being able to repeat the same thing. You should never like you have to repress a gratitude. (I agree! In my own gratitude journal, my husband, my dog, and my health insurance repeat almost daily.)
• Missing days: don’t beat yourself up if you miss a day. Go back if you want, or just start fresh with a new day. It’s meant to be something you enjoy doing.
• Leave blank spaces: you may want to go back and add something later that occurs to you.
• Reframing: Keena noted that the word “gratitude” can create an expectation of a certain importance or significance for some. Reframing the exercise to “things that made me happy” and you’ll find your list can include everything from seeing your toddler giggle, to the perfect squiggle of caramel on top of a coffee, to the great parking space you got.
You can journal any time of day. Morning journalers often reflect on the day past, or on what’s to come before them. Starting the day off in this mindset creates an expectation for positive experiences throughout the day. (And as we know – you get what you’re looking for!) Night time journalers might use the time to reflect on the day, walking through each event purposefully seeking out the moments, the memories or the people that created positive emotions.
Thanks to technology, you can even journal easily throughout the day. In fact, there’s even an iPhone application called the Happy Tapper that lets you journal, or create a vision board, right on your phone. That’s right… there’s an app for that.
The creator of the iphone app, Carla Kay White, was inspired to design the application as a way to share with other people the incredible shift that using a gratitude journal created for her. She says just a few months of journaling changed her life, including better sleep, weight loss, more meaningful personal relationships and more fulfilling experiences with her career. When I spoke with her, it had been over a year and a half since she started journaling and she said the effects of it are still going strong.
Carla says, about journaling, “It’s a snowball effect. Everything just seems to get bigger and better. This doesn’t mean I don’t have any issues or struggles in my life. Everyone does. I can handle them so much better and know not to let them get the best of me.”
Now that’s compelling evidence! (Read more of Carla’s story on her blog or the rest of my interview with her here.)
Almost everyone who keeps a gratitude journal talks about a shift that starts happening after a few weeks. You begin looking for things to be happy about. And the more you look, the more you find. You might also find that you begin to express appreciation for the personal interactions in your life that you’re grateful for. Small things, like your spouse unloading the dishwasher or a neighbor rolling the trashcan up to your home, become acts of service to be celebrated and acknowledged. And like any good dog trainer will tell you, what you reinforce you get more of!
One regular journaler noted that over time he began to recognize that the experiences he captured in his journal were not things that cost him any money. As someone who was constantly stressed about his financial situation, using a journal helped him recognize that what he valued most was the stuff in his life, it was the moments. This helped him create criteria for spending money: is this an investment in a moment or experience that will make my life (or my loved ones) life happier or easier?
A few months ago, I started small with my gratitude journal – I aimed for one day a week. I started a tradition called Thankful Thursday in my personal blog, and every Thursday I would list all the things that came to mind that had made me happy that day. Two weeks ago, I was in Starbucks meeting a client on a Thusrday afternoon. The barista making my drink said to me, “What are you so happy about today?” Without a moment’s hesitation, I said “It’s Thursday!” I assume that she figured I meant “and thus, tomorrow is Friday!” but in that moment, I realized how much I had come to delightfully anticipate Thursdays. In fact, I would often go through the day looking for things to add to my list.
After a few months of Thankful Thursdays, I’ve now graduated to daily journaling. Every night before I go to bed, I walk through the past day in my head and jot down everything that comes to mind that has made me happy that day. My lists range from a delicious glass of wine to the safety of a friend who was in a traumatic car wreck. Sometimes I write for 2 minutes, sometimes its 20 minutes later and I’m filling up the margins on the side. While I journal at night, the experience of being grateful lasts all day long. When I sit down to reflect on the wonderful things I’ve experienced that day, it’s often times almost overwhelming how much there is in my life to be thankful for.
Why do we save up our thanks for one day of the year when we could be experiencing this incredible emotion every single day? For some people, the idea of focusing on gratitude might seem like a bit of a Pollyanna experience. It’s easy to get caught in the vicious spin cycle of stress, worry, and fears and forcing oneself to “find the silver lining” might feel like a platitude that ignores the real problems that every single human faces in their daily life.
Carla said she was skeptical at first, and understands the doubts of other people who wonder how just putting words to paper can really bring about change. She encourages people to try it, every day, for a month and just see what happens. “A shift will happen. It most likely won’t be in the way that you imagine it to. But that’s ok. Trust that the universe is working for you and it will. Just keep telling it what you’re thankful for so it knows what to keep giving you. You’re having a conversation with the universe all day anyway, why not take control of it?”
While focusing on gratitude might not make your problems disappear with a magic wand, it can put equal weight on the other side of the see-saw of emotions that worry and stress often runs us over with. We humans are accustomed to finding fault in many things – customer service, traffic, managers, family members, our government, and most notably – ourselves. For most, it is a complete shift in perspective to begin actively seeking positive experiences in our day to day routines. Flexing the gratitude muscle over time strengthens it, until like any action repeated frequently enough, it becomes automatic. Imagine that? Feeling good, all the time, automatically?
That sounds like something to be thankful for.
When Keena and I started working on the November newsletter on gratitude, I really wanted to find an example of someone who had used a gratitude journal to change their life. Fortunately, an internet search for “gratitude journal changed my life” actually turned out to be quite fruitful.
We came across Carla’s website and her post on her a gratitude journal helped her shift her life. I got in touch with Carla and she was gracious enough to answer a few more questions about her experiences. I wasn’t able to include all of them in my post on gratitude, but I loved her story and her words so much I wanted to share them with you. Here’s the rest of my questions and her answers.
iPhone users, check out her applications – a gratitude journal app and a vision board app. This is now only about the 300th time I now wish I had an iPhone! Her blog can be found at here. You will feel this girl’s positivity radiate right out from your computer!
Carla White Q & A:
What first inspired you to start keeping a gratitude journal?
I was on a quest to get out of the funk I was in for two years since my dad suddenly passed away. I was trying everything but getting little results. Then I heard about gratitude journals on a pod cast and gave it a shot. At first it was really hard for me to come up with five things I’m grateful for. I was repeating the same things every day. But in a few weeks my life started to shift and my entries got longer and longer. In just a couple months my life changed completely.
· You mentioned a number of different benefits that you had from keeping your journal, including sleeping better, losing weight, having better personal relationships – do you still the effects of this now that’s it’s been a year later?
Amazingly I’ve been able to keep the weight off, I sleep better than ever and yes, my personal relationships are still going strong. It’s a snowball effect. Everything just seems to get bigger and better. This doesn’t mean I don’t have any issues or struggles in my life. Everyone does. I can handle them so much better and know not to let them get the best of me.
· Has anyone in your life asked your what “your secret was” and if so, do you know if they started a gratitude journal?
Just recently a close friend came to me and said she is going through a divorce. She said “As long as I’ve known you, you seem so together. How do you do it?” The truth is she met me before I started keeping a gratitude journal, but she doesn’t remember me with bags under my eyes, overweight and fed up. She and her daughter both started keeping a journal and it’s really helped them through this divorce so much. In fact, I’ve had quite a few people contact me saying that keeping a gratitude journal has helped them with losing a job, their home, a loved one. I’m so grateful I was able to create a way for others to start a journal so easily.
· I love your idea to make the gratitude journal for the iPhone . I’ve often heard it said that when you find the type of work that you are called to do, it doesn’t even feel like work. Obviously it took a lot of work and pieces of the puzzle for it to come together – were there any moments you questioned what you were doing?
I worked on the Gratitude Journal iPhone app from 5am – 7am before going into my day job and again at night when I got home. Yes, there were quite a few early mornings dragging myself out of bed wondering what sort of madness struck me. I would see other slick looking apps being launched by folks who have been in Silicon Valley and wonder what I was doing. I was in the middle of corn fields and didn’t even have an iPhone! But then I would go to work listening to the news on the radio about our economy and think to myself, “If I can get one person to turn around their life with a gratitude journal, it will be worth it.”
· I’ve read on your blog that you are a student of ‘the secret’ – do you remember the moment when you realized you were coming from a place of negative energy instead of positive energy? What was that aha moment like for you?
It took me quite a while to figure that out. I was on the brink of losing my job, interviewing with a dozen companies none of which resulted in a job offer. I was frustrated thinking, “I’m sending out positive thoughts, why aren’t any of these job coming together for me?” After awhile I realized that the energy I was putting out there wasn’t positive. It was desperate and negative. I started to telling myself little affirmations like “I love life, life loves me,” and “money comes often and easy.” Everyday all day I would say these together with little bits of thanks. It seems like the more I gave thanks, the more the universe gave me to be thankful for. My intentions changed from desperate wishes (like winning the lottery) to soul goals. I wanted to do something that is the highest and best interest for me and those around me. To give back. And again, the more I gave back, the more the universe gave me.
· What message do you share with those who are skeptical about the power of gratitude?
I want to tell them they’re right to be skeptical. I was too. The idea that writing down a few things each day will change my life seemed ridiculous. Especially in an age when we’re told you need to spend a lot of money and time to change. And we need to top it off with some prescription medicine too. I’ll be honest with you. It won’t work if you only do it here and there for a couple days. You need to do it everyday for at least one month. A shift will happen. It most likely won’t be in the way that you imagine it to. But that’s ok. Trust that the universe is working for you and it will. Just keep telling it what you’re thankful for so it knows what to keep giving you. You’re having a conversation with the universe all day anyway, why not take control of it?
· What’s your next project?
My career is delving deeper into spirituality the power of the universe. I’m working with some incredible life coaches, creating more life improving iPhone apps, and have a couple writing projects in the works. I’m also helping others get their apps off the ground through books, presentations and coaching. Everyday more and more opportunity comes knocking on my door – quite a difference from just a year ago when I was desperate for find a job!
Ingredients: Corn, Cellulose Gum, Mono- and Diglycerides, Lime, Chicken, Water, Green Bell Peppers, Onions, Zucchini, Carrots, Tomato Paste, Green Chilies, Citric Acid, Sour Cream Flavor, Maltodextrin, Red Bell Pepper [contain Citric Acid, Calcium Chloride, Water, Salt], Corn Starch, Chicken Base, Chicken Stock Flavor, Nusalt/Sodium Substitute, Salt, Seasoning, Cooked Rice, Water, Tomatillos, Cheddar Cheese (Cultured Skim Milk and Milk, Water, Modified Food Starch, Salt, Sodium Phosphate, Flavor, Enzymes, Artificial Color, Sorbic Acid [Preservative]Lactic Acid, Vitamin A Palmitate)Corn, Black Beans, contains 2% or less of Each of the Following: Green Chilies (contain Citric Acid)Dehydrated Sour Cream (Sour Cream Solids, Nonfat Milk Solids)Green Peppers, Red Peppers, Nonfat Pasteurized Processed Cream Cheese (Pasteurized Nonfat Milk, Cheese Cultures, Pasteurized Milk, Whey Protein Concentrate, Less Than 2% of Rice Starch, Salt, Cream, Sodium Phosphate, Whey, Lactic Acid, Flavors, Maltodextrin, Cellulose, Xanthan, Guar, Tara, and Carob Bean Gums, Artificial Color, Sodium Propionate [Preservative]Vitamin A Palmitate)Modified Food Starch, Condensed Skim Milk, Chicken Broth Powder (Maltodextrin, Chicken Broth, Salt, Flavors)Soybean Oil, Nonfat Buttermilk Powder, Salt, Mexican Rice Flour (Tomato Powder, Salt, Paprika, Sodium Diacetate, Whey, Spice, Flavor [including Spice Extractives]Gelatin, Beef Flavor, Smoke Flavor, Soybean Oil and Silicon Dioxide)Flavoring, Granulated Garlic, Chicken Stock Flavor (Chicken Broth, Flavors, Salt, Yeast Extract)Spices, Chili Powder (Chili Pepper, Spices, Salt, Garlic Powder, Silicon Dioxide, Ethoxyquin)…….
Hello, Hello! Please feel free to skip down here….
This is not the vocab list for a organic chemistry final, that’s the ingredients found in a commonly consumed food item that is, in fact, in my very own freezer. Even more disturbing, this item has the word “healthy” listed right in it’s name. There are 3,000 ingredients on the FDA’s generally-recognized as safe (GRAS) list, that are approved for us in everything from our breakfast cereal, to our ice cream, to our beverages to our supplements. 3,000 safe ingredients! The research on this safety of these ingredients can be sparse, confusing and misleading (often depending on the source of funding for said research), and the conditions under which they arrived on the GRAS list are often hotly contested.
I think it’s safe to say we all know consuming food and beverages with an ingredients list that requires a PhD is probably less than ideal for our health. We know that consuming foods with labels that read something more along the lines of “Ingredients: Apple” would probably do us a world of good. Yet, the lure to buy and consume processed and packaged foods, including many restaurant and fast food, despite their scary looking ingredients list is powerful and all too common.
In his exceptional book The End of Overeating, Dr. David Kessler, former head of the FDA, offers a suggestion for a new approach to looking at food, with a parallel to the cultural wide shift that was made around cigarettes. Forty years ago, cigarettes – while perhaps beginning to be recognized as harmful – were still commonly used and certainly not taboo. Today, I would guess that if we sat down around a table and I offered many of you a cigarette, the great majority would dismiss it, noses scrunching, brains reeling with the thought of “That’s gross. I can’t put that in my body.”
What would you say if I offered you a chocolate chip cookie, sitting at the same table?
Different story right? Even if that cookie’s ingredients list included more chemicals than farm-fresh eggs and butter, most of us would barely bat an eye before we’d take a nibble. We might be thinking of the calories, we might be thinking of our guilt, but we probably wouldn’t be thinking “This food might make me sick.” Yet that is, in fact, the very real story of MUCH of our American food products. And they are just that – products. They are produced, in a factory, a combination of molecules and chemicals coming together to be sold as a commodity that we ingest. It is very likely that the food industry is not going to change before the public demand changes. Which means, if we want keep shifting ourselves towards healthier beings, the burden is going to lie on us to make the choice about what we permit to go in our bodies.
Dr. Kessler’s proposal includes looking at some of these food products and literally declaring (aloud, or in your head, perhaps depending on your company) “This will make me sick. This food will make me feel …. This food is not edible.” Sometimes I even try to take it one step farther – for instance, a friend of mine is known for keeping Starbursts on hands at all time. In a mindless moment, I can find myself sitting in a pile of pink, red and orange paper wrappers before I even realize what I’m doing. Soon after, my teeth hurt, I’m buzzing on sugar and I’m wondering if I really wanted to take in 120 calories from Starbursts, when I probably could have enjoyed some really delicious food instead. My strategy came borne from Dr. Kessler’s suggestion. Each time I knew those colored wrappers were going to be in my presence, I began mentally chanting to myself “That is not food. That is not food. That is not food.” Overtime, the message seemed to sink in. That is not food, and for the most part, those little wads of sugar have lost their alluring grip on me. (I said for the most part, I’m only human, friends!)
This is not easy. I understand this. The lure of foods and beverages is as strong for me as nearly everyone I coach, and because I’ve fought my own weight struggles, I understand that food is more than just a combination of ingredients we put in our body. Food can be comfort, can be entertainment, can be celebration. Food can be mindless, it can be soothing, and most of all it can be addictive. Simple changes in thoughts are just a toe-hold on the radical shift that has to happen to create personal, and then public, changes in our health.
I’ve had a very compelling experience over the last two weeks that have made me think about the impact that food has our health in a very different light. About six years ago, I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis. I’ve been fortunate enough to be in remission for over three years, and for these last years, have barely given any consideration to the disease itself beyond my medical and mental well-being routines that I use to stay healthy. Ten days ago, I began to experience a flare. For me, the most immediate symptom of a colitis flare is the effect that almost all food and drink has on my digestive health. In the first couple days of my flare, I began to systemically cut out some of the more common culprits – coffee, pop, foods with a lot fiber (there goes my salads, apples, grapes…), and most animal products.
Three days into my flare, I was sitting on the couch with my husband, watching TV and I was staring longingly at his can of Fresca. “I want that,” I whined. “So have it?” he asked. “I can’t. It’ll make me sick,” I pouted.
The same thing happened a few days later. I was meeting a client at Starbucks, and the craving for a skinny vanilla latte hit me the moment I walked in. “I want one,” I whined again, internally. Again, a heartbeat later… “I can’t. It’ll make me sick.”
The week has trickled on like this. This past weekend I spent in Montauk with my girlfriends from college, at the wedding of our one of best friends. There were simple things that were triggers – all the bridesmaids gathered together at a nail salon on a rainy Long Island morning with cups of coffee huddled in hand. “I want one,” that voice chirped again. A bridesmaid luncheon with a beautiful tray laid out with baguettes, brie cheese, fig spread and strawberries. The presentation alone was incredible (and I of course, photo documented it) but the lure to dive in, just based on appearance alone, was absurd. Boston Creme Pie, passed around the reception? The champagne toast? Omelets and tall steamy mugs of coffee on our way back out of town the day after? Check, check, check. The “I want that” bug was in overdrive. Each time I’d be tempted to taste, nibble or sample, I’d be reminded “no, that will make me sick.”
This experience was, for me, an epiphany moment in understanding how even though we know there are many foods out there (perhaps even including my favorite vice, diet coke) that may make us sick, the lure to eat them is more than the knowledge of what they are. Our eating choices are intricately wrapped up in experiences (my Saturday morning at the hair salon), in habits (walking in to Starbucks), in presentation and social cues, and even in just visual cues – seeing someone else eat something. These factors are well documented and studied by those of us who study eating and weight loss behaviors, and they help explain why we continue to reach for foods that may, on some level, be making us sick.
So what can we do about it? If you feel strongly, as I do, that the ingredients in our foods are partially responsible for the diminishing health that we’re experiencing as a country, change will have to start with you, personally. Choose one food in your pantry – maybe the one with the longest ingredients list, or the one food that leaves you feeling horrible (the way my Starbursts did) and begin to systemically change your perception of it. Every time you look at that food product, practice your new thought “That will make me sick.” Sit down with the food product and start googling the ingredients in it. Men’s Health has produced a great resource called “Eat This, Not That” which includes a glossary of many different additives and preservatives and their known and suspected health links. Research a healthier swap – one with fewer ingredients, fresher ingredients, or a version you make at home.
You don’t have to go on a pantry overhaul in one day, and it is important to recognize that many of the choices we make are bundled up with those other factors – habits, experience, emotion, social cues – that will make change a journey of three steps forward, one steps backward. This step can be very challenging, but remember, being in charge of YOUR health means, ultimately, being in charge of YOUR food. Know what you’re putting in your body, and take the steps to protect the health you’ve been blessed with or that you deserve.
Ingredients? Just one.
This is my nightmare: it is 5:00 pm on a week day evening. I am done working, I am hungry and I have no idea what I am going to eat. I stand with the freezer door open and peer in, trying to make sense of the contents and deliberating what to cook. With a sigh, I end up pouring a bowl of cereal, grabbing a bag of Tostitos or eating odd handfuls of things like almonds, grapes and deli meat. Not exactly the most nutritious of dinners.
Meal planning has been one of the staple habits of living a healthier lifestyle. When I don’t plan, I end up acting out my nightmare or going out, unintentionally spending more calories, money or both. To me, it is as important as exercising and as routine as doing the laundry.
When I start to talk about meal planning in my classes I teach, I can immediately see the eyes glaze over. “That sounds like work…” I hear. Or, “I couldn’t do it. I’m too spontaneous to eat on Thursday what I planned on Sunday.”
Contrary to what you might expect, meal planning doesn’t have to be tedious or restrictive. In fact, planning can actually be one of the most freeing activities you do. Anyone who’s trying to eat healthy knows you start spending an inordinate amount of time THINKING about food. What to eat, when to eat, how to cook it, how many calories, where to go, round and round and round. Planning on Sunday what you’re going to eat throughout the week frees up tons of brain power… go ahead, play Minesweeper that last hour of work rather than ponder if you’ve got something to defrost in the freezer or if you’re going to have to stop at the store (or drive thru) again on your way home.
(And no, I don’t always stick to my plan and you don’t have to either. If someone invites you out to dinner, you don’t have to say no just because your chicken is already thawing in the fridge.)
Meal planning also helps you balance out your day. If you know, for instance, you’re going to have a work party or other day time social event that involves food, you can accommodate by planning for a lighter supper, like a grilled chicken salad or soup and sandwich. Or, conversely, if you have dinner plans and you know it’s going to be a heavier meal, you can compensate by eating a little bit lighter throughout the day. Balancing your meals is a great habit to use whether or not you count calories.
The basics of meal planning look like this:
1. At some point over the weekend, take stock of what you have on hand. I usually look through the freezer and pantry to see if there’s any staples I can build a meal around.
2. Write down on a piece of paper the nights you’re going to be home for dinner. In our house, we eat out about once a week. So if we’re home 5 nights, I plan for 4 meals.
3. Choose your meals. You can make this as complicated or as basic as you’d like. I love to cook, so I usually spend a little extra time here reading through cookbooks and recipes and seeing what catches my attention. You use a website like www.allrecipes.com that will let you search by ingredients to make menu items based on what you already have on hand in the freezer or pantry.
*If you use a certain grocery store, look up their specials and make your menu based on what’s on sale.
*Think basics: you don’t have to use recipes for every meal, a meal can simply be protein + veggie(s) + starch.
*Think in doubles. If there’s an item you’re going to buy in larger quantity (such as meat) think of how you can use twice throughout the week, spacing it apart. For instance, if we have roast chicken on Sunday, I’ll use the leftovers for chicken tacos on Wednesday.
4. Write your menu out and post it somewhere that you (and all the other eaters in your house) can see it. This eliminates the “what’s for dinner” question. If you have picky eaters, ask them to choose at least one meal each week. (And if you get “I don’t care” as an answer, just remind them of that as it ends up on table.)
(By the way, Mom, sorry for every time I said that. And then told you I didn’t like spaghetti/pork chops/tuna casserole/etc.)
5. Make a grocery list of the ingredients you need, as well as any other items you might need for other meals and snacks. Going to the grocery store with a list is KEY.
6. If you have the option, try grocery shopping online. This has totally changed my life. There are two stores that offer online shopping in my city, Harris Teeter and Lowe’s Food. It takes me about 20-25 minutes to enter in the foods on my list, and then 5-10 minutes when I go pick it up. I use Harris Teeter and the cost is $5 an order. This has cut my grocery time in half (most trips took me an hour or more) and has cut my grocery bill by about 20%, because I don’t buy things on impulse anymore and I can comparison shop the prices by unit price, specials, etc. I still do one trip to Wal-mart each month to buy things like paper goods, toiletries, dog food, etc which are much less expensive there than at my grocery store.
7. Come home from work, look at your menu and start cooking! No more tortilla chips for dinner. Unless, of course, that’s what you’ve put on your meal plan.
Need some ideas? Check out my recipes on MegEats. I’ve also posted this week’s meal plan, although it will be based on what’s in MY freezer, not yours… so shopper beware.
Happy Planning! (And eating!)
Last week I was coaching one of my favorite clients who I just love for her “a-ha” moments – her eyes light up, and she catches herself saying something that we both know is one of those thoughts that has to be immortalized on paper and looked back on for inspiration at the ready. I was asking her to imagine herself on Oprah 5 years from now, reflecting on her weight loss journey. What lesson would she have taken from this journey? How would she summarize it? Her answer, I could tell, moved both of us.
“I would say it was a journey made decision by decision.”
I LOVE this. I just recently read that we make, on average, 250 decisions a day about food. (Mindless Eating, Brian Wansink, PhD.) 250 decisions! If only we were all so aware as to realize that this journey is made decision by decision.
Today, I was reflecting on the fact that I’ve gotten out of some of my regular habits and I haven’t been feeling my absolute best. The most major change is that since March I’ve been traveling a ton – both for work and for fun – and I haven’t had a really consistent exercise schedule. I realized that I really miss running and lifting on a regular basis. Along with my more erratic exercise schedule, changes in my husband’s schedule as he shifted from medical student to resident have meant that I’m “accountable” to cooking less often and have gotten in a habit of grazing for dinner more often. I’ve never been a huge fan of dinner, but I’m finding that my “eh why bother” attitude has translated to less grocery shopping, thus more eating out and more grabbing whatever is around. (Tonight’s dinner? 2 apples, 1 peach, a bunch of broccoli and a chunk of bread. Eaten over the course of about 3 hours, and I almost didn’t realize I was eating. Result: I’m full but unsatisfied.)
I was out running my dog tonight and the cool night air felt perfect as I slipped through it at a very comfortable running pace. I was enjoying hearing the sound of my feet rhythmically hitting the pavement, and my breath coming in regular, consistent patterns. I thought to myself, “You know, I really need to get back to running regularly. And I should probably get back to my more regular shopping/cooking habits. I need to get back on track. I’ll start tomorrow.”
Heard that quote before? I almost laughed out loud at myself, because I’ve done the “start tomorrow” thing one too many times. Wait a second, COACH? Aren’t you the one who talks about there is no “start” and “stop” or “being good” or “being bad”? Ahh yes, I HAVE uttered those words… just a few hundred times. It’s old programming, and it was easy to fall back into.
There is this pervasive, convoluted thinking that there is a finite “start” and “stop” to the habits that make us the healthy beings we are always striving towards. And I know this because I was there, for a long, long time. And I know this, because I find that if I’m not intentional, that type of thinking worms its way back into my mind and hangs out just begging to be noticed.
I thought of my client. Decision by decision. Here is my next decision: I will run a little bit longer. My next decision? What to pack for lunch. My next decision? When to go to sleep. Decision by decision, I will seek out the healthy behaviors that have, in the past, made me feel my best. The behaviors that are conducive to my best self. There is no start tomorrow, or next week, or after vacation. There is simply “What is my next decision?”
What is your next decision?
When I lived in Capitol Hill, one of my favorite Saturday morning excursions was to Eastern Market. Before green-bags were even remotely adorable and trendy, I would go with all my ugly canvas bags gleaned from 5k races and pharmacy techs and load up on my week’s worth of produce – gorgeous ears of corns, blueberries that still had a little bit of farm dirt on them, and zucchini that would roast to such perfection you could cry. I may or may not have a love affair with vegetables. The cheese vendor – oh the cheese vendor. I could have married him for his sage spiked cheese. (If you are reading this and live in DC, GO NOW and get you a hunk.)
I have always been a Farmer’s Market girl. There’s something that just feels right about handing over your money to the person whose hands may have actually been responsible for planting the seed or turning the soil where your broccoli came forth. Call me a agro-romantic if you will, and I’m sure every Farmer’s Market vendor isn’t the bushel and peck stand I’m picturing but HEY. I like to eat off the land my zip code is remotely close to, what can I say?
Today I took my mom and my sister to Winston’s newest spot for locals who like locals, and I was in produce paradise. I started getting twitchy the moment we walked up and there were just piles of big ol’ honeydews stacked outside.
The Reynolda Farm Market is open in the space that used to be Pink Mink (Reynolda Rd, across from The Children’s Home) right in front of the Krankie’s Airstream. (The airstream should be a pretty good reference point – there aren’t many retro-rv’s-turned-coffee-shops are there?) They just opened this weekend, but the goods were plentiful already.
I walked out with a big bushel of peaches, a bag full of teeny mac apples (I love little apples), and a huge bunch of broccoli. I know my husband is super excited about that last one. They also had tons of bread and granola from Ollie’s Bakery, fresh coffee from Krankie’s, goat cheese and chicken from a nearby farm. And even, get this, 5 cent candy pieces. I mean, come on. Play on my nostaglia a LITTLE more.
I dare you to click on this picture and make it full screen.
Tonight’s dinner menu: 2 mini apples, a hunk of broccoli with cilantro-lime ranch (that I made, not from RFM), a peach and a big chewy slice of olive oil & sea salt bread from Ollie’s Bakery.
I’m a HUUUGE fan of breakfast. You might have noticed – I talk about it a little bit. A few years back, I started upping my breakfast (sometimes having two a day) and gradually cutting back what I ate as the day goes on. I realized that once I stopped eating my biggest meal at the end of the day, I felt better, had more energy, less stomach pain, slept better, AND it helped with my weight loss.
Our culture has dictated that dinner be our biggest meal. Since we’re working or at school during the day, dinner is usually the hour we convene together. That has been the standard for, well, decades and it’s pretty much how all Americans eat. But think about how you expend your energy: for most people, we start moving as soon as we get up and slowly, slowly wind down towards the end of the day.
We refuel our cars at the start of the journey, not when we come home and park it in the garage. I didn’t come up with that analogy, and I wish I could remember where I heard it to give due credit – but nonetheless, it’s such a powerful image that I feel compelled to share it. So think about that: we need more fuel to go, and less as we slow down. It’s marvelously simple, but it takes a little bit of effort – in fact, it requires going completely against the grain of what we’re used to.
Picture an upside down triangle: spreading your calories out so you have more early on and tapering off towards the end of the day. This is the Upside Down Day. Summer is the perfect time to start practicing the Upside Down Day for many reasons. Typically in the winter months, we tend to crave starchier, heavier “comfort foods.” This isn’t so in summer, and many people find they’re satisfied with lighter meals in summer anyways. Also, with the abundance of fresh fruits and vegetables in the summer, you can make a high VOLUME meal (read: looks really really big on your plate) out of produce with a little bit of protein and it will still be a very light meal, calorically speaking.
Small Plate Dinner
If you’re cooking for or eating with others, it doesn’t mean you have to make everyone else change their way of eating. Just select smaller portion sizes for yourself – if there are leftovers, then you have lunch ready for tomorrow!
If you eat out, choose a salad and something from the appetizer section. You’ll probably find that that is plenty of food!
One very important key to the Upside Down Day is you MUST eat enough throughout the day. This isn’t going to work if you come home at 5 pm ready to eat anything that isn’t nailed down. The greatest sabotage to eating this way is insufficient calories throughout the day.
If you work, pack a bag the night before with breakfast, lunch and ideally 2-3 snacks. 1 mid-morning, a 2nd if you eat a late lunch, and one to eat right as you’re heading home. Ideal snacks are fruit, vegetables, yogurt, ½ oz nuts or 1/2 Cliff or Odwalla bar. If you’re home during the day, aim for structure: rather than mindlessly grazing throughout the day, aim to eat a mini-meal every 3 hours. Have breakfast be the largest meal, and gradually taper off as you go. (See my video on a breakfast idea.)
And here’s one final hint: if you find yourself raiding the cupboards about 3-4 hours after dinner with a growling tummy: drink a glass of skim or 1% milk, or grab a piece of fruit and then…. Ready for this? GO TO BED. Sleep helps with weight loss too, remember?
I’ll see you in the morning for breakfast.
